Grief & Loss
What is grief?
Most experts in the field agree that grief is love. The connection that we feel to important people in our lives surpasses life and time, and the pain of grief is the longing for connection, and meaning.
What is normal grief?
Your grief is specific and unique to you. There is no universal path through it, nor is there a prescribed amount of time it may take for it to settle. With that said, trusting that you will come to a place of acceptance and peace is a part of normal grief. Going through rituals of saying good bye and feeling grounded in your personal spiritual beliefs and allowing family and loved ones to support you can promote healing.
It is normal to have periods of peace and acceptance punctuated by moments of deep sadness. You may hear a song, see a photograph, or experience a memory of your loved one that can cause a new wave of loss. The ebb and flow of emotions is an expected experience of grief.
Is it possible to grieve someone who hurt me or abandoned me?
In a word, yes. The death of someone who has hurt you—emotionally, spiritually or physically can trigger old wounds, or trauma. This type of grief can be especially confusing and disruptive, and is often considered a type of complicated grief due to its many layers and frequent attachment to a person’s past.
When will it end?
Does grief ever really end? Does love ever end?
As we struggle to come to terms with loss, to find meaning and understanding in life without someone we love and care for, over time grief tends to settle and take its place in one’s heart. This does not mean it goes away—it means it settles and softens.
A clue may be when you find yourself remembering good things about your loved one; funny things they did, warm and tender moments with them, even quirks and irritating habits they may have had. You may catch yourself chuckling to yourself, or you may feel a sense of warmth and connection to your loved one when you think of them.
When is grief a problem?
Do you think it is a problem?
Are you neglecting yourself, others in your life, your responsibilities, your safety or your general wellbeing?
Are you developing concerning problems in your important relationships?
Are you having overwhelming feelings of guilt?
Do you feel stuck?
Are you developing signs of anxiety and/or depression, suicidal thoughts, or other self-harm behaviors?
Are you noticing that you are using self-destructive methods to cope, such as substance use?
If you find yourself getting worse over time instead of moving toward acceptance, compassion, tenderness and peace, you may be experiencing complicated grief. Complicated grief is treatable and I am here to help you work through your journey.
Catherine M. Lee, LCSW
Website: cmleetherapy.com
Email: cmleelcsw@cmleetherapy.com
Phone: 703.967.5185
*Alfred A. Knopf: The Year of Magical Thinking. Didion, Joan. 2005. Page 3
